It is a well-known fact that, for two weeks out of the year, the finest dining is not in a restaurant in Paris, but at a table in the middle of America, within walking distance of a field of sweet corn.
If you’ve never had real sweet corn, here are some tips on eating this delicacy:
1. Real sweet corn is not measured by how many days ago it was picked, but by how many minutes ago it was picked. The host will quietly ask a family member, “John, dinner’s in 30 minutes, and the water’s on to boil. Go pick some sweet corn.”
2. The peak flavor of sweet corn is determined by the raccoons that raided the field the night before. If there is mass destruction, the corn is ready. (This is why my dad had a love-hate relationship with raccoons. He loved to hate them.)
3. Sweet corn must be eaten off the cob at a furious pace—elbows out, eyes staring, jaws chattering away, with flying bits of corn spraying like shells from a machine-gun nest.
4. If you ask for a knife to cut the kernels off, you’ll be given a look of dismay.
5. If you ask for salt only, you’ll be given a look of disbelief.
6. If you ask for margarine, you will be asked to leave.
7. When asked how many ears of corn you’d like, a polite guest will say, “Two is plenty,” which the host will properly interpret as, “…but I want four,” and provide an empty bowl for you to deposit the empty cobs—the evidence.
8. You’ll get extra points for serving it on a checkered tablecloth with Grandma’s dishes, but no points for serving it outside. Farmers have been outside all day and see no reason to stay there for meals.
Am I right?
Endless Summer
